Admitting to my Faults and Attributes

We, unfortunately, live in a world where everyone is striving to be perfect, but it’s important to be able to recognise that we all have our faults whatever shape and size.

It’s never easy to admit to your faults or even sit down and think about what your faults might actually be because we never want to see the bad in ourselves, but it’s sometimes healthy to re-evaluate yourself and bring your mind back to the most important qualities that make you…you.

I am incredibly guilty of sometimes wandering in my own thoughts at the most inappropriate of times such as halfway through a conversation or at a meeting, my brain  sparks ideas or I begin to make to-do lists then suddenly I’m faced with “deer in the headlights” moment when my brain kicks back into gear and rejoins the conversation. I’ll admit I can usually talk myself out of any situation but my attention span when I’m not 100% engaged can be a downfall. And thus I get into conversations often where Kyle feels I’m not listening when he is speaking and he feels I should apologise when it’s a simple slip of the mind and I don’t see that warranting a sorry. Anyway, I’m working on being more focused when listening to conversations or discussions, progress starts slowly, remember the Tortoise and the Hare.

On that note, I am regrettably too trustworthy. I always want to see the best in people and often make excuses for others mistakes finding justification for their actions. I don’t forgive easily and certainly do not forget those who are negative or hurtful toward me, but I’ve been raised to always treat others how you wish to be treated and give those a certain level of respect in good faith that it will be reciprocated. However, I have been a victim of people who try to exploit this for their own personal gain, not worrying about who they step on along the way. But the saying I live by goes “Give them enough rope, and they’ll hang themselves”.

And so, I am extremely ignorant of my own emotions. It takes a lot for me to cry (I’ll be a blubbering mess watching Marley & Me) but when it comes to deep personal stuff I’m exactly like my Mum – cold faced with a hard exterior. I guess I’ve learnt from her to be strong with my emotions and for a long time (and to an extent now still) I’ve always seen crying as a weakness. I would say I’m quite a rational person but there are often times where I don’t know what I’m feeling, and begin questioning multiple aspects of life to find the answer. However, I am slowly learning that it is important to process your emotions and react to them however you feel most natural. Kyle has noted just how out of touch I am with my emotions from ridiculous mood swings to hour long car rides in silence. Learning to address my emotions and deal with how I feel is a mountain I will overcome.

I used to believe in Prince Charming – Just like every other young woman who was raised on Disney tapes (yes no Netflix back in 98), I believed that relationships were all sunshine, rainbows and happily ever after. I used to believe men would open doors, treat me like a princess and never do me wrong. And to be honest looking back at the men in my life and those relationships, they led me to think that maybe I wasn’t good enough. They say every girl first love is their Dad, that was once true for me but those rose coloured glasses quickly broke and my belief in kind, honest men were lost. I had this pre-conceived image of what relationships should be like and it took me a long time to realise in real-life you make your own imperfect relationship and learn that it’s much more exciting when you colour outside of the lines.

It’s clear that so many of my faults are equally also my strengths. They make me who I am, offering me perspective and building on my character to become a better version of myself. I’ve learnt to recognise that its ok to be all of the above and I’m happy to admit to my imperfections, I get to learn from these and take those lessons and turn them into my greatest achievements. I’m also extremely caring, loving, hard-working and determined not to mention borderline OCD with my organisation skills, and know when not to take myself too seriously.

I am proud to admit to the woman I am today, giving admiration to my parents for how they raised me and the morals and qualities they instilled in me which gave me my outlook on life.

 

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